(You’re doing more than you know and also not quite enough.)
I was scrolling Instagram the other night and came across a reel from a life/relationship coach who expressed a thought that if you are only seeing the tasks that your partner does not complete, you are potentially a little out of balance. I resonated with that idea. There are times where I only see an unclosed bathroom vanity drawer or a hair dryer that is still on the countertop and not the whole work day my wife toiled through. And there have been times where my wife only sees the partially clean kitchen and not the content infant who needed a bit of attention.
I am reading Lessons in Chemistry. A wonderful book that covers a weighty topic, anti-sexism as the author Bonnie Garmus describes it, it is disguised by both the cover and the narrative movement as a light-hearted beach book. The theme of focusing on the negative runs through the novel when the characters make snap judgements about one another that prove to be short-sighted.
I am no martyr. No one is. And yet I oftentimes am nonplussed when faced with disdain for what I am not doing when it feels like I am doing so much. This sentiment is expressed to me these days by my aforementioned wife and my business partners, but criticism also comes from within. All of it triggers my self-defense mechanism where I swoop up any evidence to the contrary, which is not helpful as that action leaves you emboldened, defensive and unable to hear the request or constructive criticism. The opposite, that you are doing enough of the right tasks, can also be true and according to the relationship counselor whose reel I saw, it is.
So what are we to do? I think we should work to hold two truths simultaneously. I think that we should find some grace for ourselves and our partners and if you see the effort being put forth, respect that for what it is while at the same time open up some space for constructive criticism to receive course correcting guidance.
Apply this to being a salesperson or an independent contractor or a business owner or frankly an employee interested in furthering your career by doing the work. By having confidence that the work you are doing is important. And through listening to your surroundings, your colleagues, your loved ones, your partners, and your bosses when they have suggestions. Let them wash over you in a non-reactive manner and you will take from it what you need.
